How to Offer Condolences: Dos and Don’ts

The right words and actions to comfort the bereaved

Knowing what to say when someone has lost a loved one can be difficult. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, but staying silent can feel just as awkward. Offering condolences is one of the simplest, most human things we can do, and it can mean the world to someone in grief.

Here are some dos and don’ts to help you offer comfort with kindness and care.

DO: Keep it Simple and Sincere

You don’t need to be poetic or profound. A short, heartfelt message is enough.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thinking of you and your family during this time.”

“[Name] was such a special person. They’ll be missed.”

DO: Share a Memory (if appropriate)

If you knew the person who passed away, share a small memory or something you admired about them. It helps the family know their loved one was appreciated by others.

“I’ll never forget her warm smile at school pick-up every afternoon.”

DO: Offer Practical Help

People who are grieving are often overwhelmed. A specific offer of help is far more useful than “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I can bring a meal over this week, would Tuesday suit?”

DON’T: Try to 'Fix' the Grief

Avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life.” These comments may be well-intended, but they often come off as dismissive.

DON’T: Make it About You

Try not to turn the moment into a story about your own experience with loss. Keep the focus on the person who is grieving.

DON’T: Disappear After the Funeral

Grief doesn’t end after the service. Check in later, a message a few weeks down the track can mean just as much as one sent straight away.

Final Thoughts

When offering condolences, you don’t need to have the perfect words, just genuine ones. A kind message, a warm hug, or a simple “I’m here for you” can bring enormous comfort in a time of sorrow.